Script Spotlight: Nothing, or The Day When No One Killed Anyone. Almost.

What happens when a detective arrives at a crime scene and there is no crime?

That is the strange premise behind Serhiy Kotsun’s Nothing, or The Day When No One Killed Anyone. Almost., a short absurdist comedy that parodies the conventions of the classic British detective story.

An Inspector and his Constable set out to investigate the disturbing fact that absolutely nothing has happened in a quiet English village. The deeper they dig, the more troubling that absence of disorder begins to seem.

The result is part detective parody, part dark comedy, and part theatrical puzzle, especially for directors willing to rethink what the play can look like onstage.

Where did the idea for Nothing... come from?

Kotsun says the play grew from an unlikely combination of influences.

“On the one hand, there are Beckett, Ionesco, and Mrożek,” he says. “On the other, there are the writers of British crime fiction series.”

At its simplest, he describes the play as a parody of classic British detective television with one crucial ingredient removed: the crime.

“The basic idea is quite straightforward: absolute order is a sterile, absurd hell, and only a murder can restore even a shred of meaning to it.”

That paradox is established almost immediately. The Inspector becomes alarmed precisely because nothing has happened, eventually explaining that detectives exist to fight crime and that eliminating crime entirely would make them meaningless.

Is it supposed to be funny?

Yes, but not necessarily in a conventional way.

Kotsun describes Nothing... as a dark comedy for audiences who enjoy “unconventional plots, paradoxes, and open endings.” The humor begins with increasingly ridiculous detective work. A perfectly ordinary pair of yellow socks, for example, becomes evidence worthy of grave concern.

“You start off chuckling at absurd interrogations about ‘yellow socks,’” Kotsun says, “only to find a slight chill creeping in by the end.”

That combination gives actors plenty to play with. Much of the comedy works best when characters treat the absurd situation with complete seriousness.

How should a director approach the staging?

This may be where Nothing... gets most interesting or even a bit absurd.

As written, Kotsun lets his imagination run freely. The script suggests movable panels, projections, a misty crime scene, an aristocratic drawing room, a pub, a garden labyrinth, a church, and an Inspector’s office.

But he does not consider those directions mandatory.

“I approached the play more as a piece of literature than a traditional stage script,” he says. “I didn’t hold back with the stage directions.”

A student production in Kharkiv demonstrated just how far directors can go in the opposite direction. According to Kotsun, the production reduced the show to six chairs, two actors, and a single sock.

For him, that proved the play can work on a shoestring budget “provided you have sharp ideas and charismatic actors.”

That makes Nothing... an intriguing directing challenge. A company could attempt the stylized world described on the page or treat those directions as an invitation to invent an entirely different theatrical language.

Would it work for student theater?

Kotsun thinks so.

Although the script is written for six characters, he sees plenty of room for university or adventurous school drama groups to experiment with casting, design, movement, and performance style.

“A student troupe has plenty of scope here to come up with their own staging solutions that might look quite different from the author’s original directions.”

For directors and performers interested in absurdist theater, British-style deadpan comedy, or simply a script that invites creative problem-solving, Nothing, or The Day When No One Killed Anyone. Almost. offers something decidedly different.

Nothing, or The Day When No One Killed Anyone. Almost.

Characters: 7

Nothing, or The Day When No One Killed Anyone. Almost. (A One-Act play in Six Scenes)

By Serhiy Kotsun

In a quiet English village, an Inspector and his Constable investigate a crime scene — only to find that nothing has happened. As they question the locals, the absence of wrongdoing reveals a deeper horror: a world so sterile that only a murder can make sense of it all.

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